Parade Balloons We’ll Never See
I give you this week’s article, “Parade Balloons & Floats That Would Have Made Me Hate Parades Less” or alternatively, “Parade Ballons & Floats We’ll Never See”.
As your Editor has mentioned previously, some of my least favorite moments from childhood was getting dragged to endless parades in the NY/NJ metro area. The early start, the scratchy army blankets, the cold sidewalk, the jostling crowds. It’s one thing to drive into New York City to see Underdog and Spider-Man. It’s a whole other thing getting dragged around New Jersey for every crappy town parade. Clearly, I’m still scarred by this. In preparation for this year’s new John Romita Sr. themed Spider-Man balloon - and taking my therapists recommendation - I give you this week’s article, “Parade Balloons & Floats That Would Have Made Me Hate Parades Less” or alternatively, “Parade Ballons & Floats We’ll Never See”.
Death of the Flash Float
I think many would agree that Barry Allen is the iconic version of the Flash and nothing would have brought a tear to my eye - or made me appreciate parades more - then a rolling float memorializing Barry’s most famous sacrifice in the Crisis on Infinite Earths series. You can image someone holding Barry’s ring. A Macy’s employee dressed in a giant Anti-Monitor costume, and a somber choir mourning the loss of the Flash. Instead, we got the band Foreigner rolling up in a giant dollhouse to sing “I Want to Know What Love Is” with a bunch of dancing robots.
Darkseid Balloon
Do I have fond memories of the Spider-Man, Underdog, Superman, and Popeye balloons? Absolutely. However, my little comic book loving brain wanted a ginormous Darkseid floating down 6th avenue. I’m talking about a full Kirby pose Darkseid with the balloon handlers dressed as denizens of Apokolips carrying little mother boxes. That would beat the M&M peanut balloon by a mile.
Peak ‘90s Image Characters
There was that period in the 1990s where the Image characters were the biggest thing in the world. We’re told floats in the Macy’s parade can cost between $30,000 - $100,000. It would have been awesome if Todd McFarlane, Jim Lee, Rob Liefeld, Marc Silvestri, Erik Larsen, Jim Valentino and Whilce Portacio kicked in a couple of bucks each to do a massive “Image-verse” float.
X-Men Blackbird Balloon
Sure, Marvel has always supported thier home town parade, but how cool would it be to see a giant Blackbird flying along cetral park with a little Lockhead perched on top? Fire up the classic animated series theme and you’ve got yourself a parade float to remember!
Would any of these additons made me love parades more? Maybe. It’s going to take many years of therapy to get my bad parade experiences, including the ill fated and “horrible” KISS float from the 2014 parade. Find that on YouTube.
